Giving Thanks - My Testimony

Psalm 107

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

    his love endures forever.

2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—

    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

3 those he gathered from the lands,

    from east and west, from north and south.

4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,

    finding no way to a city where they could settle.

5 They were hungry and thirsty,

    and their lives ebbed away.

6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he delivered them from their distress.

7 He led them by a straight way

    to a city where they could settle.

8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,

9 for he satisfies the thirsty

    and fills the hungry with good things.

I was challenged at Church tonight to tell of the great things My Lord has done for me in my life.  When things don’t go your way in life, it is difficult to remember the good things.  When you think God is holding out on you, you know He has promised great things but you aren’t yet seeing them.  His timing, not mine - a constant mantra required to get through the hardships.

I grew up in a Christian environment.  My Mum is a Christian and grew up as one, my Dad however is not.  Despite this he actively encouraged me and my siblings to attend church with Mum every Sunday - I think it was more so he could get some alone time with his records blasting loudly and tinkering away at his Meccano without being bothered!  However he was always interested in what we had done and learnt at Sunday school, I remember him actively asking and listening to us when we got home and sitting us on his knee to hear us whilst Mum made lunch.

My God story starts in a North Welsh field over summer when I was 15. I grew up knowing Jesus was my friend and because of Him I wanted to be good, although I wasn't always!  And knew I would be go to heaven to be with Him when I died.  God became much more that summer.  I knew Him, I started my relationship with Him, for the first time I really listened to Him, and heard Him.  This was my first ‘But God ‘moment.

My second ‘But God’ moment was when I interviewed for Birmingham Medical School.  It felt so right.  I was annoyed at first since Mum couldn’t drive me, I had to take the train with Dad.  But when I got there, everything fitted.  The interview was more like an informal chat and I had never felt so comfortable talking to strangers before.  One of the Professors even chatted to me about Meccano for 10 minutes!  I made some awesome lifelong friends, and found where I fitted in the world, after feeling very much an outsider at school.  Different was now cool not dorky!

The strongest and best moment to date also initially felt like my worst.  I was a few weeks from finishing my first year as a doctor.  For some reason my supervisor had taken a dislike to me and felt I wasn’t good enough.  She went to the deanery head and suggested I retook the year.  Instead the Dean decided all I needed to do was some extra assessments.  I was awaiting the phone call from him that told me either I had passed these extra assignments or I had to retake the year.  I was walking on the way back from the pharmacy to the department when I stopped in front of the Hospital’s chapel.  The Children’s hospital in Birmingham is a very old building and the chapel is beautiful.  Here I cried.  I prayed harder than I ever had before, I screamed at God (not out loud - much!) Why?  I was convinced I was a good doctor, I couldn’t understand why my supervisor had taken against me, when all my previous supervisors that year in other  departments had no problem with my work or attitude.  SuddenIy heard God, out loud He said with absolute clarity: ‘Be Still and Know that I am God’, I was overcome with an absolute peace that surpasses all my understanding, even now, I can’t explain it.  I went back to my department and got a page, still trembling I answered the call and it was the Dean: ‘We’re passing you for the year, you can go to Worcester for your second year, but you will be monitored more closely.  We will send a letter to the head supervisor at your new hospital to let them know.’  God is good all the time.  Not just this but He went one better, He gives us so much more than we ask.  When I got to Worcester and plucked up the courage to talk to the head supervisor that I was the one she had the letter about she said: ‘What letter?  I never got that, and just so you know I don’t see eye to eye with the Dean.  And anyway, I like to make up my own mind about my junior doctors.’  4 months later the same supervisor was trying to persuade me that I should do ED for a living.  Looking back that was probably God again hinting I shouldn't do orthopaedics!

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you

    from the fowler’s snare

    and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;

    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,

    nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble,

    I will deliver him and honour him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation.”

This was the Psalm God led me to in the only other time I have heard Him speak absolutely directly to me out loud.  I was struggling in Malawi about life, and the promise I know God has for me (although it is still not realised).  Again I heard ‘Be Still and Know’.  I also ignored the out loud word to read Psalm 91 - I went to sleep crying instead!  However the next morning I did decide to read it and WOW!!  Was there a ‘But God’ moment or what?  ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust….”Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.  He will call on me, and I WILL ANSWER HIM”….’

These are my mountains that have been in my life so far, and I’m sure there will be many more.  I have other ‘hills’ of God moments, although not quite as spectacular, they also lift me up.  I have to remember them whilst I’m in the valleys, the mountains that have forged my faith.  Mountains will come after the valleys along the path.  There will be more of both.

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

Am I enough?

Why is it we always feel we haven't got enough, or done enough?  We feel as though because of this we can't change anything.  What little we do have, therefore, isn't worth the bother.

Matthew 25:14-30
"It's also like a man going off on an extended trip.  He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities.  To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities.  Then he left.  Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master's investment. The second did the same.  But the man with the singe thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master's money."
"After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them.  The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment.  His master commended him: 'Good work!  You did your job well.  From now on be my partner.'"
"The servant given the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master's investment.  His master commended him: 'Good work!  You did your job well.  From now on be my partner.'"
"The  servant given one thousand said, 'Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error.  I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money.  Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.'"
"The master was furious.  'That's a terrible way to live!  It's criminal to live cautiously like that!  If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least?  The least you could have done would have been invest the sum with bankers, where at least I could have gotten a little interest.  Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most.  And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb.  Throw him out into utter darkness.'

God gifted us with various talents.  Other versions of the Bible use the word talents for the money the Master gives the servants.  Talents is the ancient unit of mass or weights.  I like the use of the word talents as we can extend the parable to our various talents or aptitudes (what we are good at rather than how much we have).

Mustard seeds are tiny, yet if cared for and nurtured grow into huge trees.  What little was had was applied.  It was acted upon.  What little we have is multiplied by God.

We can make a difference.  We need to believe and have faith that the little we do or have will make a difference and will be multiplied by God.

What do you think of yourself?

'When others say nice things it reflects their opinion of you.  But when you can speak well of yourself it reflects your opinion of you - and that's the one you live with everyday.'
TWFT

It is always nice to hear something good said about yourself.  I don't know about you but I love it when it happens.  I think by human nature we all crave to be loved, and one way we get that feeling is when others speak well of us - it makes us feel appreciated and good.

But what do you think of yourself?  Do you speak well off yourself?

I bet this situation is familiar...during the day you've had lots of conversations and comments.  But the one that sticks out, and the one you remember is the negative one.  If you are constantly putting yourself down, then you won't ever hear the good stuff that others say, and more importantly you won't think to give yourself any positivity.

When God did His miraculous work of creation He was alone, no one was there to applaud Him or say 'Well done, that was awesome.'  So He expressed His own delight to Himself saying that 'It was very good.'
We need to learn from Him.

'Loneliness isn't lack of people, it is lack of purpose.  It is not lack of affection, but lack of direction.  When you need purpose and direction for living there's only one place to go - to God.'
TWFT

Hebrews 13:5 - 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'

Waiting

'If you make yourself at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.'  John 15:7

Word for today:
"When you mature as a Christian you pray differently.  The time you spend with God becomes more important than the end result.  You don't mind waiting.  When He says no to your request, you rejoice and say, 'Then You've something better in mind for me, and I trust You.'"

God knows us better than we know ourselves.

I wouldn't say I don't mind waiting!  I'm a very impatient person.  But I'm slowly learning to trust.  There are a few things I've been praying for and wanting for a long time.  I believe that God is saying wait rather than an outright no.  It's difficult to wait, but I continue to hope.

I'm loving it!

So I was watching an old episode of ER today.  It was night shift, crazy busy, more people in the waiting room than beds in the department, and half of those in the department were already sorted but waiting to have a bed found for them on  ward.  Sounds very familiar I thought!!  During the episode Dr Greene (the boss doctor) takes equipment and medicines and nursing help with medical student Carter into the waiting room.  Over the next number of hours of their shift they work their way through the masses, treating and streeting as they go.  Helping the patients quickly and efficiently without bureaucracy.  Before this happened Dr Greene had had an argument with a physician on the wards about not being able to admit a lady as her insurance wouldn't cover it.

'Tonight was great.  The waiting room.' Carter says to Dr Greene.  'When I started med school, that's what I thought it would be like.  Really helping people.  At least that's what I thought it was supposed to be.'
'That is what it's supposed to be.' Replies Dr Greene.  'What are you gonna do today Carter?'
'I don't know.....'

Now in actual fact Dr Greene was actually asking Carter simply what he was going to do during the day before his next shift, but something made me think then and there that Dr Greene was asking a deeper question of Carter......'Are you sure you want to do surgery?'  Is the question I'm sure was lurking in the back of Dr Greene's mind.

In the series Carter starts off as a medical student and dreaming of being a surgeon.  In the episode before what happens above, he gets his residency match for surgery at the hospital - what he's wanted all along, to be a surgical trainee after finishing med school.  But over the last number of episodes, maybe even from the beginning of series 1 you can see that Carter does not have the typical surgeons personality.  He is constantly told he spends too much time with patients, and wants to know the whole patient, not just the bit that needs to be cut out!  It's even clearer in the night shift episode I just watched that Carter is buzzing from his shift, and loves that he has made a difference.  You can also tell that Dr Greene has seen that Carter would make an excellent ER doctor.

I see much of myself in Carter now.  When I originally watched ER years ago, I never really related to any of the characters -  apart from how hot I thought Kovac was - hehehe!!!  But now I completely relate to Carter.  He originally wanted to do surgery and was on that path.  He then realises ER is what he wanted all along after doing a year of surgical residency.  He makes the change, and although ER is still hard work, he enjoys it so much more than surgery.

Back to the familiar scenario of crazy numbers of patients to deal with.  Yesterday evenings shift was so similar.  It was crazy.  To top it off I had 2 patients that I was looking after die.  I'm like Carter - I want to make a difference and help people get better.  But helping people is not necessarily helping them get better.  I actually did help those 2 patients that died, even though there was no medicine to be able to fix them.  They were comfortable.  I spoke with the families.  One of which was over the phone as she was 4 hours away.  She actually thanked me, and asked if I was all right!!!!  She said couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to phone relatives to tell them their loved one has died!!!!!!  I reassured her I was fine and it didn't feel anywhere near as bad as having to hear my loved one had died.....

....I lied to her.  I hated it, I cried, but only for a minute, because I had to get back out there and finish 5 hours of my shift.

Now reflecting on yesterdays shift, and many other similar shifts I have had, I know I did make a difference to each of my patients.  And guess what?  I LOVE IT.  I love my job, I would not change it for all the world.  I used to think that of orthopaedics, but only on the good days.  On the bad days, I used to think I would jack it all in and live on a tropical island making cocktails for a living.  But doing ED, even on the bad days, I still don't want to do anything else.

When you start doubting yourself, remember how far you've come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.

Live in a way that makes everything we do worship.

'This is your life.  Be bold with it.  Live it with energy and purpose in the direction that excites you.  Listen to your heart, look for your dreams: they are God-inspired.'  Bear Grylls

Scared?

The final cause of discouragement is fear.

'I don't know what's right and what's real anymore.....cause I'm being taken over by the fear.'
Lily Allen 'The Fear'

Fear can be all consuming.  What is it you fear?

Surround yourself with positive thinking people, pick the right company.  Avoid those who feed your fear.

'The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  DO NOT BE AFRAID; DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED.'
Deuteronomy 31:8

'If He is for me, who can ever be against me.'

'So, what do you think?  With God on our side like this how can we lose?  If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?  And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen?  Who would dare even point a finger?  The One who died for us - who was raised to life for us! - is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us.  Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us?  There is no way!  Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in scripture......None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.  I'm absolutely convinced that NOTHING - nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master embraced us.'
Romans 8:31-39

I know I am not ....(....insert fear here!).....BUT I know I AM (I AM is another name of God's)

Pity party?

Failure is a third reason for discouragement.

Nehemiah's troops got to the point of saying 'We cannot rebuild the wall.'
In actual fact what they meant was 'We give up.' 'We're too tired.'

As my Dad used to say - no such thing as can't, only won't!!

In confrontation between a stream and the rock, the stream will always win - through perseverance, not strength.  It will battle against the rocks, and wear them down with constant pressure.

A winner will persevere.  When getting knocked down, he will get back up again.  They've learnt to look beyond the failure.  They don't have a pity party saying 'woe is me, I can't do it.'


Rapture Rukus lyrics to No matter what:
.....No matter what people say (they say)
No matter what comes my way (my way)
If I fall to the floor I'm gonna get down, i get up, i get down, get up,
And if you fall one time, you get back up
And if you fall two times, you get back 
And if you fall three times, you get back up
You get down, get up, I get down, get up.....


Remember God's word - Hebrews 10:35-36
Keep on being brave!  It will bring you great rewards.  Learn to be patient, so that you will please God and be given what He has promised.

Needing to take out the trash

Nehemiah 4:10
The builders are pooped, the rubbish piles up; we're in over our heads, we can't build this wall.

Another cause of discouragement is rubbish piling up.  The sight of so much rubbish caused the builders who were trying to rebuild Jerusalem's wall to become discouraged, they lost sight of their goal.  They were trying to build a new wall after the old one was destroyed, but there were lots of old, and broken bits of rock, and dried out mortar everywhere they looked from the old wall.  They lost sight of their goal.

Dealing with the rubbish to remove it is difficult, but must be done.  Don't give up.  Don't let the rubbish overrun you or keep you from the real project in front of you.

Reading this today really speaks to my problem of procrastination.  It's a vicious cycle.  I keep thinking, I have time, one more hour of reading my book/watching TV/tidying the house/going for a run - it won't matter, I'll still have plenty of time to do x/y/z afterwards.  Then I feel guilty for not getting to the task at hand.

It's time I took out the trash, and start to deal with the real task at hand.  God won't magically do it for me.  I have to put the work in myself.

For example, you'll never pass an exam if you only pray to God 'please let me pass' if you've not cracked open any books to even try and learn the stuff.  That's not how God works.

Strength grows through struggles.  Courage develops in challenges.  Wisdom matures from wounds.

Rest

It's common to think when we become discouraged about something that we think it's a spiritual problem and that we must be far from God.  'If I just recommit.....!'

In fact, the real problem may well be that we are just burned out, and need a rest...to go to bed, relax, have time off.

Fatigue is a major discouragement.  If we work ourselves to the bone, the enthusiasm dies.  I know from working the last few years in Hamilton that this is true.  I had lost the passion of working.  I was exhausted working 6 days a week, doing anywhere between 80-100 hours a week.  At one point I totally burned out, and quite frankly was clinically depressed.  Thankfully, someone noticed, and helped me pluck the courage up to admit to my manager that this was the case, and I was given time off to recover.  It doesn't have to be as dramatic as this, it could just be that sometimes we need to go to bed.  Have you notice how much better as less drastic things seem in the morning after having rested?

Even God rested - after making the Earth and everything in it, He rested.

Fatigue tends to occur midway through something.  At first we are all enthusiastic and energised and work at things with all our heart.  But then the newness wears off, it gets boring and the same day in day out, we get into a rut.  When tiredness creeps in, faith will walk out.

Psalm 23:2-3
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul.

I like the Message version of the last bit: 'True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction.'

Matthew 11:28-30
'Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you'll recover your life.  I'll show you how to take real rest.  Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

Dreams

What do you see in your future?  What is your vision?

Martin Luther King Jr's speech 'I have a dream' is probably one of the most famous visions in history.   He held onto this dream till his dying breath.  It's very hard sometimes to hold onto the promises God has given and the visions He has for your future.  God has very different timing to ours, we humans are so impatient sometimes.

We need to hold onto our God given visions and dreams and believe we will live to see them fulfilled.

If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; but when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed.
Where there is no vision, the people will perish.
Proverbs 29:18

It's awesome how God works and tells us stuff - I've been challenged recently about holding onto my dreams, and Church on Sunday spoke about Jeremiah 29:11:
'I know what I'm doing.  I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.'
Then this morning Word for today was about visions and dreams.

Life has a way of changing
And I can't deny that it's time
To let go of all the safe and familiar
And leave all I've known far behind

So hold me close, don't let me fall
It's a chance to prove, Jesus I trust in you.

Stepping out into the water
Walking into the unknown
I can't just stay here forever
Wherever you lead I will go
I will go with you

This is a day for new dreams
A time for my faith to be strong
My heart's finding peace in the chaos
I'm ready at last to move on

I might stand in a storm
But I can't deny, there's no safer place than by your side
Draw me close to you

Song by Kutless 'I will go'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J1e6HBsogc

The fight

Be absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.  Just make sure you don't use that freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom.  Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows.
Galatians 5:13


Todays thoughts are based on yesterday evenings sermon at church....Thanks Peter :-)

Psalm 35:
David says: 'contend with those who contend with me.'  Which means fight those who fight with me.

The Message version:
'Harass these hecklers, God,
Punch these bullies in the nose.
Grab a weapon, anything at hand;
Stand up for me!
Get ready to throw the spear, aim the javelin,
At the people who are out to get me.
Reassure me;
Let me hear you say, 'I'll save you.'


There a 4 things we need to do when fighting (boxing match analogy):

1. You need to breathe
Without breath we are nothing but dust and bones.  God breathed life into us.  Without breath we get tired.  We need the oxygen to supply energy to our muscles, without oxygen to the muscles our muscles tire and we can't finish the fight, we'll get knocked out.  Without oxygen we die.

2. Listen to the coach between rounds
Without the coach we are vulnerable.  The coach sees the big perspective, when we are dropping our guard.  We need the coaches encouraging words regularly.
John 14:26 - but the advocate will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said.
Jeremiah 29:11 - I have pans for you, plans to prosper and not harm you.

3. We need to rest
If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.  Sometimes we don't rest because we don't trust God....'If I rest who will finish...., who will do......, what will happen....'
Resting is a challenge of trust.  Rest in his promise.

4. Know your limits
Matthew 19: With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.
Never fail to make an attempt, but do it with God, not without Him.  Humans have limits, but God does not.
You weren't born to live in a little controlled circle.  Break free.


We can always do to remember and have a little (or a lot!) of all 4 points, but particularly points 2 and 3 resonated with me.  Just as I made the decision yesterday to make a doubly good effort to daily meditate of God's word, God spoke in the sermon: LISTEN to the coach!!  WOW!
Resting is always a big challenge too.  Constant anxious thoughts spring up....I'm not doing anything, but there is such a long list of things to do......!!  Argghhhh.  I definitely need to learn to rest more.

....And God saw that it was VERY good....

On the 6th day of God's creation he made mankind.  He created them in the image of Himself and said to them 'prosper, reproduce, fill the Earth, take charge, be responsible.'  But best of all when the 6th day was over:  'God looked over everything he had made; it was SO good, SO VERY good....'

God on the other days of creation had looked over things and imply stated 'it was good.'  On the 6th day however, things were different.  He had made things SO VERY good!!  God was exceedingly pleased with His creation that particular day, this was because He had created mankind.

God created you, it was not a mistake, or an afterthought, He purposely created you the way you are.  Not who you pretend to be on the surface for other people to see, He created the real you, and He sees the real you.  Scared yet???!!

In this world we have a skewed perspective of perfect, for whatever crazy reason.  Being perfect has a slightly different meaning to everyone, but in the end we all strive toward whatever we perceive as perfect.  Whether that is a bit thinner, a bit more muscle, a bit taller, more sporty, more intelligent, being richer, having the husband and 2.4 kids....the list is endless.

(From Word for Today):
1.  Your obsession to be perfect will keep you trapped in loneliness, for satisfying relationships can only be built on honesty and total acceptance.
2. Your obsession to be perfect will force you to see your shortcomings as something to hide, instead of opportunities for growth.
3. Your obsession to be perfect will keep you fixated on what you're going to be some day, instead of enjoying what you are right now.
4. Your obsession to be perfect will rob you of the chance to make your life count, for by focusing constantly on yourself you'll have nothing left to give others.

God didn't NEED to create you, He CHOSE you.  He KNEW you before you were born.  When we grasp this concept, we will begin to overcome the problem of feeling 'less than.'

A quote from the film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves:
'Did God paint you [black]?'
'Did God paint me? [laughs] For certain.'
'Why?'
'Because child, God loves wondrous variety'