Trust Me

I woke to my alarm, and rolled over switching it off.  The radio had already switched itself on 20 minutes earlier as I had not changed the time with the clocks going back.  5 more minutes…… no I really should get up or I miss it……5 minutes suddenly turned into 30……now I’ll really miss it!

I calculated rapidly, 20 minutes to get there and according to the internet it wouldn’t happen for another 40, no, I would make it.  Quickly I put on the clothes and boots I had organised the night before, put on a pot of coffee and poured some into a thermos mug.  Turning out of the driveway my heart sank, I’m really going to miss it,  there was a pink hazy light already peaking over the hills in the east, brilliantly in contrast, the full moon was ablaze behind me as I drove toward the pinkish-blue haze.  As I made it to the tip of the hill, the view made me gasp, pounding rough waves crashed onto the beach below, the sky already quite light with the dawn light, but…..had I missed it?  No, I don’t think I had after all, it was light, but without a cloud in the sky there was nothing to hide it if it was already over the horizon.  I settled on the beach with my coffee and waited with baited breath……

WOW…… there it was…..peaking over the waves, suddenly all in it’s red and yellow glory........it took my breath away……a new day, a new sun, HE IS RISEN!

A flood of thoughts came to me as I watched the beauty before me.  See, Trust Me, Wait for Me, No need to worry that you will miss all these things that I have planned for you, it will come to pass, I promise.  Stop rushing.  I also noticed how calm the sea became as the sun rose victorious, my heart also stilled.  Be Still And KNOW That I AM God.

And taken from The Word for You Today:  Simply TRUST Him at His Word!

" 'Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.' John 20:29 NLT

Today we celebrate Jesus rising from the dead! Thomas had watched Jesus die. That's a tough image to forget. He was majorly shaken up. When your faith has been shaken, you tend to cling to things that are basic, close and reliable. Stories of ghosts didn't fit in that category. But Jesus was gracious to Thomas and allowed him to touch his risen body saying, 'You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me' (John 20:29 NLT). Thomas' problem wasn't lack of faith, it was misdirected faith. He trusted only what he could process on a human level. Sound familiar? Asking for proof before you believe something can stop you from receiving what God wants you to accept based on his Word.

By contrast, when Mary Magdalene met Jesus at the tomb he told her, 'Don't touch me...But go find my brothers and tell them' (John 20:17 TLB). Mary was in an emotional state and just wanted a hug from the faithful friend she thought she'd lost forever. But Jesus needed her to start trusting his Word and not his flesh.

Sometimes we feel 'the touch of Jesus' calming us, strengthening us, reassuring us that he's got us. That touch has often kept us from giving up or going over the edge, but sometimes he asks us to simply trust him at his Word. That's faith at its highest level. "

Hillsong, ’Till I See You:

"The greatest love that anyone could ever know

That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come

And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in You

I will live to love You

I will live to bring You praise

I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that called the universe to be

You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all

You alone are worthy Lord

And with all I am my soul will bless Your name"

Giving Thanks - My Testimony

Psalm 107

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

    his love endures forever.

2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—

    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

3 those he gathered from the lands,

    from east and west, from north and south.

4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,

    finding no way to a city where they could settle.

5 They were hungry and thirsty,

    and their lives ebbed away.

6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,

    and he delivered them from their distress.

7 He led them by a straight way

    to a city where they could settle.

8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,

9 for he satisfies the thirsty

    and fills the hungry with good things.

I was challenged at Church tonight to tell of the great things My Lord has done for me in my life.  When things don’t go your way in life, it is difficult to remember the good things.  When you think God is holding out on you, you know He has promised great things but you aren’t yet seeing them.  His timing, not mine - a constant mantra required to get through the hardships.

I grew up in a Christian environment.  My Mum is a Christian and grew up as one, my Dad however is not.  Despite this he actively encouraged me and my siblings to attend church with Mum every Sunday - I think it was more so he could get some alone time with his records blasting loudly and tinkering away at his Meccano without being bothered!  However he was always interested in what we had done and learnt at Sunday school, I remember him actively asking and listening to us when we got home and sitting us on his knee to hear us whilst Mum made lunch.

My God story starts in a North Welsh field over summer when I was 15. I grew up knowing Jesus was my friend and because of Him I wanted to be good, although I wasn't always!  And knew I would be go to heaven to be with Him when I died.  God became much more that summer.  I knew Him, I started my relationship with Him, for the first time I really listened to Him, and heard Him.  This was my first ‘But God ‘moment.

My second ‘But God’ moment was when I interviewed for Birmingham Medical School.  It felt so right.  I was annoyed at first since Mum couldn’t drive me, I had to take the train with Dad.  But when I got there, everything fitted.  The interview was more like an informal chat and I had never felt so comfortable talking to strangers before.  One of the Professors even chatted to me about Meccano for 10 minutes!  I made some awesome lifelong friends, and found where I fitted in the world, after feeling very much an outsider at school.  Different was now cool not dorky!

The strongest and best moment to date also initially felt like my worst.  I was a few weeks from finishing my first year as a doctor.  For some reason my supervisor had taken a dislike to me and felt I wasn’t good enough.  She went to the deanery head and suggested I retook the year.  Instead the Dean decided all I needed to do was some extra assessments.  I was awaiting the phone call from him that told me either I had passed these extra assignments or I had to retake the year.  I was walking on the way back from the pharmacy to the department when I stopped in front of the Hospital’s chapel.  The Children’s hospital in Birmingham is a very old building and the chapel is beautiful.  Here I cried.  I prayed harder than I ever had before, I screamed at God (not out loud - much!) Why?  I was convinced I was a good doctor, I couldn’t understand why my supervisor had taken against me, when all my previous supervisors that year in other  departments had no problem with my work or attitude.  SuddenIy heard God, out loud He said with absolute clarity: ‘Be Still and Know that I am God’, I was overcome with an absolute peace that surpasses all my understanding, even now, I can’t explain it.  I went back to my department and got a page, still trembling I answered the call and it was the Dean: ‘We’re passing you for the year, you can go to Worcester for your second year, but you will be monitored more closely.  We will send a letter to the head supervisor at your new hospital to let them know.’  God is good all the time.  Not just this but He went one better, He gives us so much more than we ask.  When I got to Worcester and plucked up the courage to talk to the head supervisor that I was the one she had the letter about she said: ‘What letter?  I never got that, and just so you know I don’t see eye to eye with the Dean.  And anyway, I like to make up my own mind about my junior doctors.’  4 months later the same supervisor was trying to persuade me that I should do ED for a living.  Looking back that was probably God again hinting I shouldn't do orthopaedics!

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you

    from the fowler’s snare

    and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;

    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,

    nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble,

    I will deliver him and honour him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation.”

This was the Psalm God led me to in the only other time I have heard Him speak absolutely directly to me out loud.  I was struggling in Malawi about life, and the promise I know God has for me (although it is still not realised).  Again I heard ‘Be Still and Know’.  I also ignored the out loud word to read Psalm 91 - I went to sleep crying instead!  However the next morning I did decide to read it and WOW!!  Was there a ‘But God’ moment or what?  ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust….”Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.  He will call on me, and I WILL ANSWER HIM”….’

These are my mountains that have been in my life so far, and I’m sure there will be many more.  I have other ‘hills’ of God moments, although not quite as spectacular, they also lift me up.  I have to remember them whilst I’m in the valleys, the mountains that have forged my faith.  Mountains will come after the valleys along the path.  There will be more of both.

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

Am I enough?

Why is it we always feel we haven't got enough, or done enough?  We feel as though because of this we can't change anything.  What little we do have, therefore, isn't worth the bother.

Matthew 25:14-30
"It's also like a man going off on an extended trip.  He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities.  To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities.  Then he left.  Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master's investment. The second did the same.  But the man with the singe thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master's money."
"After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them.  The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment.  His master commended him: 'Good work!  You did your job well.  From now on be my partner.'"
"The servant given the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master's investment.  His master commended him: 'Good work!  You did your job well.  From now on be my partner.'"
"The  servant given one thousand said, 'Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error.  I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money.  Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.'"
"The master was furious.  'That's a terrible way to live!  It's criminal to live cautiously like that!  If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least?  The least you could have done would have been invest the sum with bankers, where at least I could have gotten a little interest.  Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most.  And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb.  Throw him out into utter darkness.'

God gifted us with various talents.  Other versions of the Bible use the word talents for the money the Master gives the servants.  Talents is the ancient unit of mass or weights.  I like the use of the word talents as we can extend the parable to our various talents or aptitudes (what we are good at rather than how much we have).

Mustard seeds are tiny, yet if cared for and nurtured grow into huge trees.  What little was had was applied.  It was acted upon.  What little we have is multiplied by God.

We can make a difference.  We need to believe and have faith that the little we do or have will make a difference and will be multiplied by God.

What do you think of yourself?

'When others say nice things it reflects their opinion of you.  But when you can speak well of yourself it reflects your opinion of you - and that's the one you live with everyday.'
TWFT

It is always nice to hear something good said about yourself.  I don't know about you but I love it when it happens.  I think by human nature we all crave to be loved, and one way we get that feeling is when others speak well of us - it makes us feel appreciated and good.

But what do you think of yourself?  Do you speak well off yourself?

I bet this situation is familiar...during the day you've had lots of conversations and comments.  But the one that sticks out, and the one you remember is the negative one.  If you are constantly putting yourself down, then you won't ever hear the good stuff that others say, and more importantly you won't think to give yourself any positivity.

When God did His miraculous work of creation He was alone, no one was there to applaud Him or say 'Well done, that was awesome.'  So He expressed His own delight to Himself saying that 'It was very good.'
We need to learn from Him.

'Loneliness isn't lack of people, it is lack of purpose.  It is not lack of affection, but lack of direction.  When you need purpose and direction for living there's only one place to go - to God.'
TWFT

Hebrews 13:5 - 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'

Waiting

'If you make yourself at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.'  John 15:7

Word for today:
"When you mature as a Christian you pray differently.  The time you spend with God becomes more important than the end result.  You don't mind waiting.  When He says no to your request, you rejoice and say, 'Then You've something better in mind for me, and I trust You.'"

God knows us better than we know ourselves.

I wouldn't say I don't mind waiting!  I'm a very impatient person.  But I'm slowly learning to trust.  There are a few things I've been praying for and wanting for a long time.  I believe that God is saying wait rather than an outright no.  It's difficult to wait, but I continue to hope.

I'm loving it!

So I was watching an old episode of ER today.  It was night shift, crazy busy, more people in the waiting room than beds in the department, and half of those in the department were already sorted but waiting to have a bed found for them on  ward.  Sounds very familiar I thought!!  During the episode Dr Greene (the boss doctor) takes equipment and medicines and nursing help with medical student Carter into the waiting room.  Over the next number of hours of their shift they work their way through the masses, treating and streeting as they go.  Helping the patients quickly and efficiently without bureaucracy.  Before this happened Dr Greene had had an argument with a physician on the wards about not being able to admit a lady as her insurance wouldn't cover it.

'Tonight was great.  The waiting room.' Carter says to Dr Greene.  'When I started med school, that's what I thought it would be like.  Really helping people.  At least that's what I thought it was supposed to be.'
'That is what it's supposed to be.' Replies Dr Greene.  'What are you gonna do today Carter?'
'I don't know.....'

Now in actual fact Dr Greene was actually asking Carter simply what he was going to do during the day before his next shift, but something made me think then and there that Dr Greene was asking a deeper question of Carter......'Are you sure you want to do surgery?'  Is the question I'm sure was lurking in the back of Dr Greene's mind.

In the series Carter starts off as a medical student and dreaming of being a surgeon.  In the episode before what happens above, he gets his residency match for surgery at the hospital - what he's wanted all along, to be a surgical trainee after finishing med school.  But over the last number of episodes, maybe even from the beginning of series 1 you can see that Carter does not have the typical surgeons personality.  He is constantly told he spends too much time with patients, and wants to know the whole patient, not just the bit that needs to be cut out!  It's even clearer in the night shift episode I just watched that Carter is buzzing from his shift, and loves that he has made a difference.  You can also tell that Dr Greene has seen that Carter would make an excellent ER doctor.

I see much of myself in Carter now.  When I originally watched ER years ago, I never really related to any of the characters -  apart from how hot I thought Kovac was - hehehe!!!  But now I completely relate to Carter.  He originally wanted to do surgery and was on that path.  He then realises ER is what he wanted all along after doing a year of surgical residency.  He makes the change, and although ER is still hard work, he enjoys it so much more than surgery.

Back to the familiar scenario of crazy numbers of patients to deal with.  Yesterday evenings shift was so similar.  It was crazy.  To top it off I had 2 patients that I was looking after die.  I'm like Carter - I want to make a difference and help people get better.  But helping people is not necessarily helping them get better.  I actually did help those 2 patients that died, even though there was no medicine to be able to fix them.  They were comfortable.  I spoke with the families.  One of which was over the phone as she was 4 hours away.  She actually thanked me, and asked if I was all right!!!!  She said couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to phone relatives to tell them their loved one has died!!!!!!  I reassured her I was fine and it didn't feel anywhere near as bad as having to hear my loved one had died.....

....I lied to her.  I hated it, I cried, but only for a minute, because I had to get back out there and finish 5 hours of my shift.

Now reflecting on yesterdays shift, and many other similar shifts I have had, I know I did make a difference to each of my patients.  And guess what?  I LOVE IT.  I love my job, I would not change it for all the world.  I used to think that of orthopaedics, but only on the good days.  On the bad days, I used to think I would jack it all in and live on a tropical island making cocktails for a living.  But doing ED, even on the bad days, I still don't want to do anything else.

When you start doubting yourself, remember how far you've come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.

Live in a way that makes everything we do worship.

'This is your life.  Be bold with it.  Live it with energy and purpose in the direction that excites you.  Listen to your heart, look for your dreams: they are God-inspired.'  Bear Grylls

Scared?

The final cause of discouragement is fear.

'I don't know what's right and what's real anymore.....cause I'm being taken over by the fear.'
Lily Allen 'The Fear'

Fear can be all consuming.  What is it you fear?

Surround yourself with positive thinking people, pick the right company.  Avoid those who feed your fear.

'The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  DO NOT BE AFRAID; DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED.'
Deuteronomy 31:8

'If He is for me, who can ever be against me.'

'So, what do you think?  With God on our side like this how can we lose?  If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?  And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen?  Who would dare even point a finger?  The One who died for us - who was raised to life for us! - is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us.  Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us?  There is no way!  Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in scripture......None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.  I'm absolutely convinced that NOTHING - nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master embraced us.'
Romans 8:31-39

I know I am not ....(....insert fear here!).....BUT I know I AM (I AM is another name of God's)