I grew up in a Christian environment. Went to church most Sunday's and learnt that Jesus loved me and if I believed He was rue I'd go to heaven. but it wasn't until I was 15 that I really understood the message a 'properly' became a Christian.
Even then after that amazing week at a youth camp in Wales, I was never too sure what 'hearing God' meant. Did that mean I would actually hear a booming voice from heaven when He wanted to say stuff? I just didn't get it.
I have since learnt, which took several years to understand (I'm slow I know!), that God is the still small voice in the craziness of life. You have to sit and listen...quietly...which I'm REALLY bad at! I always need to be doing stuff, on the go, except when I'm tired, then I just fall straight to sleep! God will speak directly to your heart. Mainly through the words you read in the Bible, which is why quiet time is paramount!
God also talks through coincidences, or if you want to be a little but cheesy...God-incidences =) Mainly for me this is what other people say either at church up front, or in conversation, and suddenly it's WOAH! That spoke right into my situation, how did you know?! Mostly they don't know, but God let you hear that person for a reason.
I still struggle sometimes believing whether it's God I'm hearing or not. But that's the Devil poking his nose in, trying to discourage and wangle his way into what isn't ever his, nor ever will be. The devil tries to create distrust, worry, guilt, and anxiety. I have to remind myself that what God says will always be good, and not for evil. Psalm 25:
We can be sure that God will only ask us to do ‘what is right’ (v.9a). The test of whether the guidance comes from God is whether what we are being asked to do is ‘loving and faithful’ (v.10a). God will never ask us to do something that is unloving or unfaithful. ‘All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful’ (v.10a).
God will always send us in the right direction, we just have to LISTEN.
This entry is based on my thoughts about my quiet time today. I'm reading through Nicky Gumbel's Bible In A Year website. It's only the second day on Lent, but I feel God's presence closer than I've felt for a while. Why? Because I'm doing a quiet time when I wake up =)
'It is often when we fail to spend time alone with Jesus that we more easily succumb to temptation.'
Today I pray I will seek God's still small voice earnestly and hungrily every day, that I will know Him more, and love Him with all my heart, through my actions as well as in my head. I want to experience this, not just know the knowledge.
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Just Surrender...
So it’s the beginning of Lent.
Every Lent, for the past approximately 10 years I have always tried to take up something rather than the ‘traditional’ give up something. This something has always been attempting to dig deeper into God and really persevere with a daily quiet time and really listen to God. As always it seems to work well for the 40 days, and then slowly fades over the year till Lent comes round again.
How apt that Nicky Gumbel’s Bible in one year website, which I have been using as my quiet time (on and off!) over the last year, has ‘The Quiet Time’ as the title of the first day of Lent. It goes through Psalm 25, verse 5&7 says: ‘Take me by the hand; Lead me down the paths of truth ... plan only the best for me, God!’ Also Mark 6:30-56 which is the story about the feeding of the five thousand, and brings an aspect I haven’t thought about before. We all know the story of how God provides for the crowd, but what about afterwards? Jesus teaches the disciples the priority of having alone time with Him. They were in the boat after, getting away from the crowd and it describes how the sea was a bit choppy and windy. Jesus gets into the boat and everything calms down:
‘As Jesus climbed into the boat with them, ‘the wind died down’ (v.51). We see a picture of the difference Jesus makes to our lives. It is a real uphill struggle unless we are conscious of Jesus’ presence with us.’
Over the past few months since not long before Christmas I have felt particularly far from God. Now I know this is my doing not His. I know in my heart He is right there, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Last Sunday at church the sermon spoke right to me. I have a CHOICE. Follow, or not to follow. I’m never too brilliant with words and constantly struggle to express how I feel. This is why I love music so much – it tells the world how I feel either with words or just through the sheer beauty of notes combined into chords. It also has the added bonus that if I realise ‘those words are exactly what/how I feel’ I’m not the only one! That’s kind of reassuring! I bought 2 new albums yesterday from a couple of favourite bands (Christian of course!) and here are some lyrics which have captured my heart, and tells the world how I’m feeling:
There’s a me that I don’t really like, a me that says I’m in control till the day that I die, and I don’t know why I push I pull I fight I fall, I end up crawling back to that place where I figure it out that I, that I, that I:
I’m second to one: redeemer, the way, the light. I’m second to one: The Saviour, no compromise. I’m laying everything at the foot of the cross my pride, my life, my all. I am second to one, and He is second to None.
There’s a change when I swallow my pride, and I surrender. There’s a peace when I open my eyes, cos I remember to live is to die, to fall’s to rise, to kneel is to find the Saviour. Here I am and I’ve figured it out tonight, tonight, tonight…
He said “You come alive when you lose your life,” So I lay it down, yeah I surrender all.
NEWSBOYS
Life is hard and I know you're trying; you wear a smile but inside you're crying. When will you admit, you'll never make it on your own. You build the walls up all around you to protect you from the hurt you've been through. I'm the only one who can bring the walls to the ground. Lay down your defences; put your trust in Me.
I can heal your heart, I can comfort you. Don't resist my love, just surrender. I see your scars and I feel your fear, let me rescue you. Just Surrender, Just Surrender.
You keep denying my advances, but you'll never be out of chances. My love will follow you no matter how far you run, let me show you what you can be what it's like to live this life free. Will you take my hand and let me lead you my child?
STARFIELD
Nothing can separate even if I run away, Your love never fails. I know I still make mistakes; You have new mercy for me every day cos Your love never fails.
You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid because I know that You love me, Your love never fails.
The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but I’m not alone here in these open seas cos Your love never fails. The chasm is far too wide I never thought I’d reach the other side, but Your love never fails.
You make all things work together for my good.
NEWSBOYS
You are good; You are good, when there’s nothing good in me. You are love; You are love, on display for all to see. You are light; You are light, when the darkness closes in. You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin. You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling. You are true; You are true, even in my wandering. You are joy, You are joy. You’re the reason that I sing. You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting.
Oh, I’m running to Your arms, I’m running to Your arms. The riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace, Light of the world, forever reign.
You are more; You are more, than my words will ever say. You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim. You are here, You are here, in Your presence I’m made whole. You are God, You are God, of all else I’m letting go.
My heart will sing, No other name, Jesus, Jesus.
NEWSBOYS
It’s been a whirlwind adventure since deciding in that muddy Welsh field to follow the One true God, and I wouldn’t change it. It’s not over. I’m constantly learning (mostly slowly!) more of God, and I know how AWESOME He is. I need to just surrender to Him.
HOW?!
Just Be Still and KNOW that I am God. I can do all things through you, I AM here. Right beside you. Look and see, I am always here, just be still and KNOW. I have plans, GREAT plans for you. Plans to prosper and NOT to harm, your dreams will come true. I promise. Dry your tears my Child, Oh how I love you, ALWAYS. I am well pleased with you, my daughter.
Every Lent, for the past approximately 10 years I have always tried to take up something rather than the ‘traditional’ give up something. This something has always been attempting to dig deeper into God and really persevere with a daily quiet time and really listen to God. As always it seems to work well for the 40 days, and then slowly fades over the year till Lent comes round again.
How apt that Nicky Gumbel’s Bible in one year website, which I have been using as my quiet time (on and off!) over the last year, has ‘The Quiet Time’ as the title of the first day of Lent. It goes through Psalm 25, verse 5&7 says: ‘Take me by the hand; Lead me down the paths of truth ... plan only the best for me, God!’ Also Mark 6:30-56 which is the story about the feeding of the five thousand, and brings an aspect I haven’t thought about before. We all know the story of how God provides for the crowd, but what about afterwards? Jesus teaches the disciples the priority of having alone time with Him. They were in the boat after, getting away from the crowd and it describes how the sea was a bit choppy and windy. Jesus gets into the boat and everything calms down:
‘As Jesus climbed into the boat with them, ‘the wind died down’ (v.51). We see a picture of the difference Jesus makes to our lives. It is a real uphill struggle unless we are conscious of Jesus’ presence with us.’
Over the past few months since not long before Christmas I have felt particularly far from God. Now I know this is my doing not His. I know in my heart He is right there, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Last Sunday at church the sermon spoke right to me. I have a CHOICE. Follow, or not to follow. I’m never too brilliant with words and constantly struggle to express how I feel. This is why I love music so much – it tells the world how I feel either with words or just through the sheer beauty of notes combined into chords. It also has the added bonus that if I realise ‘those words are exactly what/how I feel’ I’m not the only one! That’s kind of reassuring! I bought 2 new albums yesterday from a couple of favourite bands (Christian of course!) and here are some lyrics which have captured my heart, and tells the world how I’m feeling:
There’s a me that I don’t really like, a me that says I’m in control till the day that I die, and I don’t know why I push I pull I fight I fall, I end up crawling back to that place where I figure it out that I, that I, that I:
I’m second to one: redeemer, the way, the light. I’m second to one: The Saviour, no compromise. I’m laying everything at the foot of the cross my pride, my life, my all. I am second to one, and He is second to None.
There’s a change when I swallow my pride, and I surrender. There’s a peace when I open my eyes, cos I remember to live is to die, to fall’s to rise, to kneel is to find the Saviour. Here I am and I’ve figured it out tonight, tonight, tonight…
He said “You come alive when you lose your life,” So I lay it down, yeah I surrender all.
NEWSBOYS
Life is hard and I know you're trying; you wear a smile but inside you're crying. When will you admit, you'll never make it on your own. You build the walls up all around you to protect you from the hurt you've been through. I'm the only one who can bring the walls to the ground. Lay down your defences; put your trust in Me.
I can heal your heart, I can comfort you. Don't resist my love, just surrender. I see your scars and I feel your fear, let me rescue you. Just Surrender, Just Surrender.
You keep denying my advances, but you'll never be out of chances. My love will follow you no matter how far you run, let me show you what you can be what it's like to live this life free. Will you take my hand and let me lead you my child?
STARFIELD
Nothing can separate even if I run away, Your love never fails. I know I still make mistakes; You have new mercy for me every day cos Your love never fails.
You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don’t have to be afraid because I know that You love me, Your love never fails.
The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but I’m not alone here in these open seas cos Your love never fails. The chasm is far too wide I never thought I’d reach the other side, but Your love never fails.
You make all things work together for my good.
NEWSBOYS
You are good; You are good, when there’s nothing good in me. You are love; You are love, on display for all to see. You are light; You are light, when the darkness closes in. You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin. You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling. You are true; You are true, even in my wandering. You are joy, You are joy. You’re the reason that I sing. You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting.
Oh, I’m running to Your arms, I’m running to Your arms. The riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace, Light of the world, forever reign.
You are more; You are more, than my words will ever say. You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim. You are here, You are here, in Your presence I’m made whole. You are God, You are God, of all else I’m letting go.
My heart will sing, No other name, Jesus, Jesus.
NEWSBOYS
It’s been a whirlwind adventure since deciding in that muddy Welsh field to follow the One true God, and I wouldn’t change it. It’s not over. I’m constantly learning (mostly slowly!) more of God, and I know how AWESOME He is. I need to just surrender to Him.
HOW?!
Just Be Still and KNOW that I am God. I can do all things through you, I AM here. Right beside you. Look and see, I am always here, just be still and KNOW. I have plans, GREAT plans for you. Plans to prosper and NOT to harm, your dreams will come true. I promise. Dry your tears my Child, Oh how I love you, ALWAYS. I am well pleased with you, my daughter.
Been away for a while!
It's been far too long!
Life update: Living in New Zealand, working towards residency and a training orthopaedic job, since I didn't get one in the UK.
Long term plan still the same: To be an Orthopaedic surgeon, bringing healing and hope through Jesus, to those without the access to affordable healthcare. To be married, one day to the one God has set aside for me, and provide a Godly home for our children.
This Blog is now going to be my (hopefully daily) ramblings and prayers, a public devotion to God, a way of accountability, and a way of letting people know how God is being so awesome in my life.
This is a big step, of letting go, and sharing that which has always been difficult, expressing the things going on in my head and life. God is teaching me surrender, faith, and promises.
Feel free to read or not, comments and prayers are always welcome.
To God be the Glory, Forever! =)
Life update: Living in New Zealand, working towards residency and a training orthopaedic job, since I didn't get one in the UK.
Long term plan still the same: To be an Orthopaedic surgeon, bringing healing and hope through Jesus, to those without the access to affordable healthcare. To be married, one day to the one God has set aside for me, and provide a Godly home for our children.
This Blog is now going to be my (hopefully daily) ramblings and prayers, a public devotion to God, a way of accountability, and a way of letting people know how God is being so awesome in my life.
This is a big step, of letting go, and sharing that which has always been difficult, expressing the things going on in my head and life. God is teaching me surrender, faith, and promises.
Feel free to read or not, comments and prayers are always welcome.
To God be the Glory, Forever! =)
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Update on my life!
Wow, it's been over a month since I last posted!
Well I wasn't supposed to leave it that long, but never mind, I'm here now!
Well I'm back in the UK. Malawi was AMAZING! I can't believe it's already been a month since I'm back. Still can't get used to the cold, the way water is available straight out of a tap, no one greets you in the streets, driving is a relatively risk free activity (as is being a pedestrian/cyclist!)
The flight back was relatively entertaining (afterwards of course!) Got delayed in Joberg due to mechanical fault on plane, which meant that AFTER sitting on the plane going nowhere fast for 4.5 hours, the captain let us off to the nearest airport hotel for 2 hours sleep in relative comfort before having to be back at the airport to check in again at 6am! All this meant I was delayed by 12 hours, but luckily since Loughborough is on a mainline rail track, there was a train out of London to home at 10pm!
Well now I'm in Liverpool, home of the mighty Reds (who just sold Torres to Chelsea - traitor! Grrr!) I start my diploma in tropical medicine on Monday, so have a weekend to settle in. The flat is nice as student accommodation goes, but for a postgrad who's been out of uni for 3 years it's weird being back amongst students! Seem to have the flat to self at the moment anyway, which is cool.
I had interviews at both Yorkshire/Humberside deanery, and West Midlands deanery for surgical training posts starting in August, will find out at the end of this month if I get to have a surgical career in the NHS - big prayers please! :-)
If I don't get a job then I'm highly tempted to emigrate to New Zealand where they actually appreciate young surgical doctors and give them jobs. I imagine it's going to be even harder now to get jobs as doctors in the NHS due to the government screwing with us, but look on the bright side, at least we have free healthcare to offer the peasants, even if it does cost us in taxes. I love the NHS and what it's done for this country, but it's increasingly difficult to stay positive with all the changes at the moment. Take me now while I'm still young and enthusiastic NHS, there aren't many like me, I don't grumble about my work, I love it and wouldn't change it for the world, even if I end up working over my regulated 48 hours a week for free. This is what we do - we heal, and care, and no government should want to put boundaries and hurdles in place to prevent us from doing that!
As for putting GP's in charge of the money - idealistic is the word you're looking for. Yes a good idea, in principle, but if the GP's are in charge of the money, when the hell do they get the time to do their primary job and care for their patients?! The PCT jobs of managing the money, handing it out in relevant proportions to the GP's is a FULL TIME job, as is caring for the patients. So Mr Cameron, you're going to give TWO full time jobs to ONE person (and probably not give them any increase in pay)?! I thought you wanted to CUT DOWN on clinical errors?!
Meh! Rant over!
Looking forward to finding a new church this Sunday :-) Praise God, for He alone is worthy, and He alone has a plan for my future, a plan to prosper, and not to harm. AMEN!
H x
Well I wasn't supposed to leave it that long, but never mind, I'm here now!
Well I'm back in the UK. Malawi was AMAZING! I can't believe it's already been a month since I'm back. Still can't get used to the cold, the way water is available straight out of a tap, no one greets you in the streets, driving is a relatively risk free activity (as is being a pedestrian/cyclist!)
The flight back was relatively entertaining (afterwards of course!) Got delayed in Joberg due to mechanical fault on plane, which meant that AFTER sitting on the plane going nowhere fast for 4.5 hours, the captain let us off to the nearest airport hotel for 2 hours sleep in relative comfort before having to be back at the airport to check in again at 6am! All this meant I was delayed by 12 hours, but luckily since Loughborough is on a mainline rail track, there was a train out of London to home at 10pm!
Well now I'm in Liverpool, home of the mighty Reds (who just sold Torres to Chelsea - traitor! Grrr!) I start my diploma in tropical medicine on Monday, so have a weekend to settle in. The flat is nice as student accommodation goes, but for a postgrad who's been out of uni for 3 years it's weird being back amongst students! Seem to have the flat to self at the moment anyway, which is cool.
I had interviews at both Yorkshire/Humberside deanery, and West Midlands deanery for surgical training posts starting in August, will find out at the end of this month if I get to have a surgical career in the NHS - big prayers please! :-)
If I don't get a job then I'm highly tempted to emigrate to New Zealand where they actually appreciate young surgical doctors and give them jobs. I imagine it's going to be even harder now to get jobs as doctors in the NHS due to the government screwing with us, but look on the bright side, at least we have free healthcare to offer the peasants, even if it does cost us in taxes. I love the NHS and what it's done for this country, but it's increasingly difficult to stay positive with all the changes at the moment. Take me now while I'm still young and enthusiastic NHS, there aren't many like me, I don't grumble about my work, I love it and wouldn't change it for the world, even if I end up working over my regulated 48 hours a week for free. This is what we do - we heal, and care, and no government should want to put boundaries and hurdles in place to prevent us from doing that!
As for putting GP's in charge of the money - idealistic is the word you're looking for. Yes a good idea, in principle, but if the GP's are in charge of the money, when the hell do they get the time to do their primary job and care for their patients?! The PCT jobs of managing the money, handing it out in relevant proportions to the GP's is a FULL TIME job, as is caring for the patients. So Mr Cameron, you're going to give TWO full time jobs to ONE person (and probably not give them any increase in pay)?! I thought you wanted to CUT DOWN on clinical errors?!
Meh! Rant over!
Looking forward to finding a new church this Sunday :-) Praise God, for He alone is worthy, and He alone has a plan for my future, a plan to prosper, and not to harm. AMEN!
H x
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Things to remember when returning to England from Malawi:
1.The phrase ‘I will flash you’ is no longer appropriate wording! (In Malawi it is the phrase used for miss calling someone on their mobile phone).
2.It is no rongel applopliate to intelchange the rettels ‘l’ and ‘r’ in wolds!
3.It is no longer acceptable to walk around the streets with no shoes on.
4.You can no longer buy any type of medication over the counter; prescriptions are needed for the harder drugs!
5.Azungu is no longer an acceptable word for a white person, they are just people.
6.You should no longer assume nurses will write out x-ray forms, blood forms, and put drips on patients – this is now a DOCTORS job!
7.No one will understand you if you say Zikomo, or Muli Bwanji?!
8.You cannot barter for a better price of tomatoes or onions!
9.It will no longer be acceptable to pray out loud for the patient about to undergo an operation or on the ward round.
10.On calls at night will consist of more than being able to sleep soundly in your bed without being disturbed because the nurses know what they are doing and only call the doctors for the real emergencies. It will be back to the days of ‘doctor? Shall I wake up the patient to give him his sleeping tablet?!’
11.People will understand you when you say Ta, eh up me duck, and nowt!
12.The thrice weekly scramble for the matches and candles at the 6pm power cuts will be put behind you.
13.The daily ritual of putting a tentative toe under the freezing shower before getting up the courage to stick your head under will also be put behind you.
14.Praying before even the shortest journey on public transport will no longer consist of ‘please get us there alive’ instead it will be more along the lines of ‘please get us there on time’!
15.You can no longer bribe a policeman with a bottle of water or a newspaper!
16.It is no longer acceptable to call your consultant boss by his first name.
17.It is no longer acceptable to sing worship and praise songs at the top of your lungs in theatre when operating; instead revered silence is insisted upon.
18.Reusing scrub gowns, and gloves will, from now, on get you killed by the infection control nurses.
19.On sending a patient to x-ray you no longer have time for a cup of tea and reading the paper whilst the radiographer develops the film by hand.
20.Showing your knees will no longer be the height of indecency, but showing your breasts will be!
21.Shrugging your shoulders and saying ‘TIA’ (This is Africa) is no longer an appropriate answer to why things are going wrong.
22.Shirts will no longer be lovingly washed by hand and ironed so well since the washing machine is not named Alfred and the owner of her shirts hates ironing!
23.Kids in clinic will no longer be petrified of the Azungu white doctor because he is told by villagers Azungu’s steal souls and doctors give big nasty injections!
24.Journeys on public transport will be free of chickens, goats, dried fish, and at least 5 people to every seat, oh and there is now NEVER room for one more!
25.Using the right hand indicator on the car as a warning for the car behind not to overtake as there is an oncoming car is no longer appropriate – it is used for telling people you are turning right only.
26.Not knowing that there is a dip function on your headlights and blinding every incoming car with full beams is now hugely impolite and quite frankly dangerous!
27.Stopping at a zebra crossing when there is a pedestrian on it is now law and not just an act of kindness.
28.They are now called traffic lights and not robots, and they will not be turned off at night to save power, and obeying them is NOT optional!
29.When the kettle leaks get a new one, do not just tape it up with gaffa tape and hope it will last another 3 months!
30.England is not Malawi and I will miss it :-(
2.It is no rongel applopliate to intelchange the rettels ‘l’ and ‘r’ in wolds!
3.It is no longer acceptable to walk around the streets with no shoes on.
4.You can no longer buy any type of medication over the counter; prescriptions are needed for the harder drugs!
5.Azungu is no longer an acceptable word for a white person, they are just people.
6.You should no longer assume nurses will write out x-ray forms, blood forms, and put drips on patients – this is now a DOCTORS job!
7.No one will understand you if you say Zikomo, or Muli Bwanji?!
8.You cannot barter for a better price of tomatoes or onions!
9.It will no longer be acceptable to pray out loud for the patient about to undergo an operation or on the ward round.
10.On calls at night will consist of more than being able to sleep soundly in your bed without being disturbed because the nurses know what they are doing and only call the doctors for the real emergencies. It will be back to the days of ‘doctor? Shall I wake up the patient to give him his sleeping tablet?!’
11.People will understand you when you say Ta, eh up me duck, and nowt!
12.The thrice weekly scramble for the matches and candles at the 6pm power cuts will be put behind you.
13.The daily ritual of putting a tentative toe under the freezing shower before getting up the courage to stick your head under will also be put behind you.
14.Praying before even the shortest journey on public transport will no longer consist of ‘please get us there alive’ instead it will be more along the lines of ‘please get us there on time’!
15.You can no longer bribe a policeman with a bottle of water or a newspaper!
16.It is no longer acceptable to call your consultant boss by his first name.
17.It is no longer acceptable to sing worship and praise songs at the top of your lungs in theatre when operating; instead revered silence is insisted upon.
18.Reusing scrub gowns, and gloves will, from now, on get you killed by the infection control nurses.
19.On sending a patient to x-ray you no longer have time for a cup of tea and reading the paper whilst the radiographer develops the film by hand.
20.Showing your knees will no longer be the height of indecency, but showing your breasts will be!
21.Shrugging your shoulders and saying ‘TIA’ (This is Africa) is no longer an appropriate answer to why things are going wrong.
22.Shirts will no longer be lovingly washed by hand and ironed so well since the washing machine is not named Alfred and the owner of her shirts hates ironing!
23.Kids in clinic will no longer be petrified of the Azungu white doctor because he is told by villagers Azungu’s steal souls and doctors give big nasty injections!
24.Journeys on public transport will be free of chickens, goats, dried fish, and at least 5 people to every seat, oh and there is now NEVER room for one more!
25.Using the right hand indicator on the car as a warning for the car behind not to overtake as there is an oncoming car is no longer appropriate – it is used for telling people you are turning right only.
26.Not knowing that there is a dip function on your headlights and blinding every incoming car with full beams is now hugely impolite and quite frankly dangerous!
27.Stopping at a zebra crossing when there is a pedestrian on it is now law and not just an act of kindness.
28.They are now called traffic lights and not robots, and they will not be turned off at night to save power, and obeying them is NOT optional!
29.When the kettle leaks get a new one, do not just tape it up with gaffa tape and hope it will last another 3 months!
30.England is not Malawi and I will miss it :-(
Friday, 17 December 2010
2 and a half weeks to go!
Hi all!
Merry Christmas :-)
It still seems weird that Christmas is upon us, and here in Malawi we have 25-30 degree heat! I know, I know, I mustn't rub it in ;-)
I remain busy, although this next week there will be no theatre running unless it is an emergency, but clinics will continue till Christmas eve.
I have finally submitted my surgical application form on line, and will await the verdict in January as to whether I have interviews for them or not. I am told I am virtually guaranteed an interview to my top two choices of deanery (area of UK to work in) providing I have filled the forms in satisfactorily. I do however remain undecided on whether to also apply for emergency medicine - as the more jobs I apply for the more chance I have of actually getting one. I wouldn't necessarily want a job in emergency medicine however, and it would only be a stop gap in applying for surgery again the following year, which would look better on further applications than locum (supply) jobs.
I am finding it difficult to hear God and what He wants me to do, and I only have 3 days left to get an application in if that is in fact what I am going to do. Please pray urgently for this dilemma, that I will hear God very clearly over the next day or so and have the courage to do what is right in His eyes. I am certain that God wants me to follow a career in Orthopaedic surgery, and if that is so then surgery is the way forward and the only way. Pray I will have the little faith necessary to fully rely on God.
I am very much looking forward to wrapping up my job and work here to go home, and eagerly await the turn of the new year for the next chapter in my life. I have fully enjoyed being here in Malawi and would love to return one day, either to visit new found friends or to work at CURE hospital. Thank you all for your love and support and most of all you faithful prayers that have kept me going through the enjoyable and tough times. God has been so faithful to me here and shown me so much of His love and grace through the kids in the hospital. He has shown me His heart for the disabled kids of Malawi and has broken mine for them. I am certain He has said to me this is what you are made for, to help the sick and disabled of this world, I pray that this comes in to reality and His will be done.
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a good night!
H xx
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Putting your trust in God
Sorry for the long delay in another blog! Over the past few weeks since you last heard from me I have been terribly stressed and busy. Mainly because my computer packed up working and needed to be restored from scratch. It's amazing how much I rely on the thing - all my surgical applications are on line, which means if I don't have access to a computer I have no job, it's my only source of communication with people outside of Malawi, and it's what I rely on for my work including preparing presentations and working on my project!
However it is now working beautifully thanks to Simon who is a guy at CURE in charge of the new building wing for the private patients.
My daily reading the other day came at just the right time (it's funny how God does that isn't it?!) It was about Moses and when he was weary, he took a stone and sat on it! Reminding us that God will never give us too much and that He will provide rest when we need it, and that we should trust Him. And this is what today has been. I am currently writing this sat in the McGrath's dining room smelling the dinner that is cooking (something to do with chicken nuggets - made from scratch!). Today has been really relaxing - got up late, went round to the McGrath's for breakfast of croissants, bacon, and poached eggs with copious amounts of coffee :-)
I then started my application forms for surgical training and was surprisingly calm about the whole thing - I think the surroundings helped! We then took a trip to Spices for lunch of masala chips (chips covered in tika masala sauce - scrumptious!) The application site is currently crashed now and awaiting maintainence which is frustrating but yet I am still calm - God is in control and gives me a peace that passes all understanding :-)
Last weekend was another trip to the Mulanje Massif - 3rd highest peak in Southern Africa and I got to the top! Yep that's right we climbed right to the highest peak! Sapitwa the highest peak (which means 'don't go there!') was tough. We stayed at the base of the peak on the plateau the first night and then went up and down the peak the next day staying at the same hut then going down to the base on the third day. It was definitely an amazing achievement. Especially as the weather wasn't brilliant. It rained the first day in the afternoon just as we were about 1.5 hours away from the hut, and did it pour! The stream I remember from last time 5 minutes from the hut became a raging river which we crossed as a big group holding hands so as not to get washed away - a very scary experience! Then on the second day as we were coming down the peak it hailed which was extremely painful, and the rock face we had climbed up using our hands as well as our feet was a water slide on the way down - we had to go on our bums most of the way - which created a few holes in my shorts - needless to say they were rags by the time I got down and now reside in the bin!
Anyway - It's now only 3 weeks till I get back to England :-S I'm looking forward to returning but also sad to leave, but there is Christmas first to look forward to. I heard my first Christmas carol the other day - on one of the patients radios :-)
I'll leave you with some awesome lyrics from my favourite band Kutless, I can't remember if I've already shared them but here they are anyway :-) Very apt for my current feelings and situations:
When every step is so hard to take
And all of my hope is fading away
When life is a mountain that I can not climb
You carry me, Jesus carry me.
You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in my time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need
When every moment is more than I can take
And all of my strength is slipping away
When every breath gets harder to breathe
You carry me, Jesus carry me
However it is now working beautifully thanks to Simon who is a guy at CURE in charge of the new building wing for the private patients.
My daily reading the other day came at just the right time (it's funny how God does that isn't it?!) It was about Moses and when he was weary, he took a stone and sat on it! Reminding us that God will never give us too much and that He will provide rest when we need it, and that we should trust Him. And this is what today has been. I am currently writing this sat in the McGrath's dining room smelling the dinner that is cooking (something to do with chicken nuggets - made from scratch!). Today has been really relaxing - got up late, went round to the McGrath's for breakfast of croissants, bacon, and poached eggs with copious amounts of coffee :-)
I then started my application forms for surgical training and was surprisingly calm about the whole thing - I think the surroundings helped! We then took a trip to Spices for lunch of masala chips (chips covered in tika masala sauce - scrumptious!) The application site is currently crashed now and awaiting maintainence which is frustrating but yet I am still calm - God is in control and gives me a peace that passes all understanding :-)
Last weekend was another trip to the Mulanje Massif - 3rd highest peak in Southern Africa and I got to the top! Yep that's right we climbed right to the highest peak! Sapitwa the highest peak (which means 'don't go there!') was tough. We stayed at the base of the peak on the plateau the first night and then went up and down the peak the next day staying at the same hut then going down to the base on the third day. It was definitely an amazing achievement. Especially as the weather wasn't brilliant. It rained the first day in the afternoon just as we were about 1.5 hours away from the hut, and did it pour! The stream I remember from last time 5 minutes from the hut became a raging river which we crossed as a big group holding hands so as not to get washed away - a very scary experience! Then on the second day as we were coming down the peak it hailed which was extremely painful, and the rock face we had climbed up using our hands as well as our feet was a water slide on the way down - we had to go on our bums most of the way - which created a few holes in my shorts - needless to say they were rags by the time I got down and now reside in the bin!
Anyway - It's now only 3 weeks till I get back to England :-S I'm looking forward to returning but also sad to leave, but there is Christmas first to look forward to. I heard my first Christmas carol the other day - on one of the patients radios :-)
I'll leave you with some awesome lyrics from my favourite band Kutless, I can't remember if I've already shared them but here they are anyway :-) Very apt for my current feelings and situations:
When every step is so hard to take
And all of my hope is fading away
When life is a mountain that I can not climb
You carry me, Jesus carry me.
You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in my time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need
When every moment is more than I can take
And all of my strength is slipping away
When every breath gets harder to breathe
You carry me, Jesus carry me
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